4:13 am

Something about transitions keeps me awake. The first night I was home this summer, I accidentally stayed up all night working on my photobook. My dad walked into the computer room (also: during transitions, I never sleep in a bed) at 5:45, asked me if I was still up, and asked if I wanted to eat breakfast with him. I just didn’t feel like going to sleep.

And then the night before we were going to leave Lima, all three of us interns were up until at least 4:30, packing, wading through mess, frantically making lists of things that needed to be done. (The lists were mainly mine.)

And almost every night this past week, I’ve been super restless. Mom knows; she’s had to share a bed with me and ask me if I’m okay the many times she wakes up to find me sitting up at the edge of the bed, not doing anything in particular, not really awake or asleep, not aware of what I am doing.

And tonight. It might be the donut and QT slushy Dad treated us to on the way home from the airport at midnight, or it might be the huge number of things that I have to do which keep jumping into my head and which are forming three different lists on my notepad, or it might be be the jumble of things I’ve felt and thought about but not had a pen to write out all day. or it might just be that I haven’t been at my house in 13 weeks and a day, and I’m enjoying the whrr of the ceiling fan and the crickets outside and the couch I know so well, and I’d rather be awake in my house than asleep in it…

but, here it is, 4:24 am, now.

And I also pack unconventionally, you know. And by “unconventionally,” I mean, “last-minute-ly,” “haphazardly,” “with a great deal of assistance from others,” and “ghetto-ly.” I packed for Peru from start to finish from 9:30 pm to 1 am-ish the night before I was going to leave at 6 am. I ignored the fact that we were going to leave Peru until the night before our departure from 2 am to 3 am. And I’m packing for my return to college tomorrow. Which means I’m looking through the things I brought back from school in May and haven’t been home to look at since, grabbing what I want from my various suitcases, and running through the house, grabbing things that look useful. It’s a party. I’m grateful for my sisters’ help and Abi’s help.

What else…

I’m not used to looking like everyone else, to not getting double takes, and to children not pointing at me from across the street. It is bizarre to know that no one is paying more attention than anyone else. Nice, but bizarre. I’m hiding out here in the U.S.

I still have lots of things to finish up from the internship, including receipts. Blech. Keeping track of every sol I spent was one of my least favorite parts of the whole summer, so to do more of it and summary type things is…not very motivating.

I have a charged, functional phone again. Weird.

I’ve been at very different places from my friends -and basically everyone I know- all summer: emotionally, climate-wise, focus-wise, and in location, among other things.

Okay, I think I’m ready to sleep. I really need to get this Not Sleeping Around Transition-Times thing under control. Maybe next time…


3 Comments on “4:13 am”

  1. I’ve been there…at times…hope you will sleep long and well soon.


  2. cyntaur23 says:

    Oh, buddy. You’re so silly with your non-sleeping. But, then again, who am I to talk about that?

    Your summer has been immensely different than many, but that will certainly not make us love you less or like you less. Enjoy today. Life here awaits your arrival. We are ready to greet you with smiles on our faces and hugs in our arms.

    Also, spiders are scary and it’s okay to be afraid of them. But, more on that later….

    My trumpets are all hangin’ out on your dresser. I’ll move them before you come, I promise.

    I can’t wait to listen to music with you again 🙂

  3. Your Dad says:

    Get some rest.
    Also…Blech? How does that word fit into this paragraph?

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